Don't even ask.... I went back to work on March 19th and since today is May 6th, I honestly can say that posting here has been probably the last thing on my mind. But....
I wanted this day to be memorialized and float into the cyber-world, shouting to other twin-moms.... it happened! Our boyz, after waking from a nap, stayed happily in their cribs, talking, playing, and laughing, screaming, giggling until they decided that they wanted others to join in on their little party. It was the happiest feeling, I actually teared up. Yes I did. Miss VF, who NEVER cries or gets emotional-teary, teared up and had to walk away from the eavesdropping because I was so excruciatingly happy and proud.
There is honestly nothing like walking into a nursery with two boys in their cribs who are smiling and so happy to see you. Seriously. It's so joyful and uplifting, any other negative feeling that might be simmering inside instantly melts away.
This past weekend was difficult for me, and I guess husband too but I don't want to assume to know exactly what he's feeling. I know what I am feeling and it is hard to describe. We are so happy to be a couple and to have two beautiful children. We feel so blessed and fortunate to be living with my mother and to have my aunt so generously take care of our boyz while we work. We have nothing to complain about or to worry about. And yet, family dynamics are so difficult to manage for us. Especially me. I think perceptions are difficult to overcome and such is the case, especially when there may be a misunderstanding. What sucks is that it's like the big elephant in the room that no one really wants to address. I don't want to because I don't think it's my place and the other party despises conflict. It is a vicious, vicious, circle of passive aggressive-ness (is that a word?)
There's a point in your life when you decide that you need to make decisions for yourself and live by your own rules. Rules that allow you to live the life you want to lead, without seeking approval from every significant person in your life instead, knowing that those significant people will stick by you and with you and live alongside you throughout your journey. They aren't living your life; you are. So you should make yourself as happy and fulfilled as you possibly can. It sounds so selfish. But it is how you preserve your sanity. Believe it.
I think we try to strike a balance. Husband and I are from two completely different familial backgrounds who came together and began a family. We have made it a mission to live our lives as a family, on our terms. It is necessary to establish boundaries and to create meaningful connections for us, not me, not him. Has it been difficult? Yes. Extremely. Are we confused? Absolutely yes. Are we happy and proud? Yes and yes. A million times yes. THAT is what's most important. To hell with all the other superfluous, petty, inocuous bullshit that families go through. Forget about the past and move on, people!
That all said, this post is supposed to be about the most beautiful day we've had in a while. It truly was. It was not only a beautiful, sunny spring day, it was so much fun! We played outside almost all day, we bbq'd, we played inside, and the boyz proved they can sit in their room and play together despite being in separate cribs. That was the best part. Seeing them interact with each other outside, inside, in their rooms - it's all such a blessing. It's so truly unique.
I can't do or say anything except thank God!
